“I Want to Feel Safe to Open Up”: Why Deeper Work Shifts Our Relationships
- Kit Turner
- May 12
- 2 min read
We all want connection.
To feel seen. Safe. Loved.
But for many of us, there’s a quiet truth just beneath the surface: “I don’t feel safe opening up.”
I hear versions of this often:
“I always hold a part of myself back.”
“I’m scared if I’m vulnerable, I’ll be hurt.”
“I don’t know how to fully trust—even with people I care about.”
And what’s heartbreaking is that these beliefs often have nothing to do with the present relationship.
They have everything to do with what’s been encoded deep within us, often years ago.
Where This Pattern Comes From
By the time we’re 7, our subconscious has already absorbed most of its core beliefs—through experiences, family dynamics, culture, and even what wasn’t said.
If you grew up in an environment where it wasn’t safe to express emotion, or where love felt conditional, your system might have learned:
“Connection is dangerous.”
“Love requires shrinking or performing.”
“I can’t be all of me and still be loved.”
So now, even as an adult in a healthy relationship, you might:
Flinch at intimacy
Over-give to stay “useful”
Shut down when things get too close
Keep people at arm’s length—even the ones you want to be close to
The Problem With Staying in Your Head
Most people try to change this with logic:
“I know I can trust them.”
“I know they’re not my parent / ex / friend from years ago.”
But logic isn’t what’s running the show.
Your subconscious is.
And it’s wired to protect you—even if that protection is keeping you lonely, disconnected, or emotionally unavailable.
What Happens When You Shift the Underlying Belief
A recent client came to me saying:
“I want to feel safe to open up, but I can’t seem to.”
“I shut down every time things get close.”
We didn’t analyse or pick apart the story.
We went to the belief that was holding the shutdown in place.
We rewrote:
“It’s not safe to trust others.”
“If I open up, I’ll be judged or left.”
Into:
“I am safe to be seen and heard.”
“It’s safe to trust people who have shown they care.”
“I can open my heart and stay connected to myself.”
And from that point on, something shifted.
She described feeling “softer” in her partner’s presence.
Able to hold eye contact.
Able to say what she needed—without freezing or fawning.
Change Begins Inside
We often think changing our relationships means learning new skills or saying the “right” thing.
But the deeper truth?
It’s about changing how safe we feel inside our own system.
When your body believes you’re safe to open up, the rest follows.
Connection becomes less about effort—and more about allowing.
If this speaks to you, and you’re ready to shift the real pattern underneath the disconnection…
Get in touch.
I offer 1:1 subconscious healing sessions (online or in Paris) that support deep emotional transformation—gently, powerfully, and without having to re-live the past.
You don’t have to carry this alone anymore.
You can feel safe to open up—and stay open.
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